Conversations with a Warlock

" Yeah, I got the word from the Baron. Whaddya want, pipsqueak? "

" Please, have a seat. "

" I ain't got time for courtesies from a gnome. Ya gone and cried to the Baron like a little rat? "

" Well.. if you insist. No.. not exactly cried. "

" Hah! Begged, then! Well, ya tell me right now why I don't need to turn ya into pink mulch where ya stand for wastin' my time! "

" Time is money, isn't that the old adage? Very well then... I'll cut to the chase. "

" Make it quick, I hate ta hear ya whining little voice."

" Your Baron and I made a deal. You certainly recall that one incident when..let's see. There was a gnome death knight. "

" Eh? Wait, YER THE ONE?? Eh, ya look a little changed but that musta been gnomish technology! Heh, gnomish technology. You pipsqueaks still playin' with toys while we make the good stuff. "
" That's exactly what you said the last time.. "

" It IS you! I'm gonna beat you into a - "

" Shhh."

" Grgkrgmurgxffgrgulg-wh-rgrghl! "

" That's better. Now. I'm not that death knight you were looking for, oh no. But I saw what happened. I've consulted with the Baron and... it appears that he holds much less animosity towards us gnomes. After all, he is a clever businessgoblin - that is why he is your Baron and you are just a guard. "

" Fgrghruleck..."

" In a moment, hush! Now. The Baron has informed me that while he remains very neutral towards most factions, the recent Kezan uprising has inspired a number of you to start raising doubts against Alliance visitors. In particular, gnomes. This, as that incident has shown, can be bad for business. Disruptive, and for no good reason. But of course, to change the minds of such seasoned goblins as yourself will be difficult. "

" Fghrlghl! Mrghglegrgkl! "

" My sentiments exactly! And so to accomplish this, the Baron has struck a deal with me. If he were to simply fire you, he would have to pay your retrenchment fees and there would still be trouble. Not to mention it could leave a mess. However, for one with skills like myself, I can make your disappearance very clean... very tidy. And in return, I was promised better treatment of my kind here, or even of respectable professions like my own. After which he can find suitable replacements.. much more agreeable ones. And now, you may speak. "

" Mrghl-k-AH! You cursed little swine I oughta hammer you where ya stand! Once - I - get outta here! "

" We'll see. Do you have anything to add? "

" Peh! Your deal ain't gonna fall through! Ya know the Baron got a few others with deals like this too eh? Ya know where they are now? Eh? "

" Of course I have. I've taken care of them. "

" W-what? "

" Part of the deal. "

" You're crazy!"

" I'm a gnome. "

" You're a twisted freak , ya blasted little gnome! I swear, when I get outta here - "

" Out? Oh, yes. About that. That really isn't a trap... it's a portal. "

" P-portal? "

" If you'll see just beyond your toes, you'll see what I mean. "

" W- HOLY MACAROONS! What - what is dat thing?? "

" Dinner! Well, actually, - you're - dinner. "

" Y- ya can't! I'll - ya can't expect me ta just lay down there and get eaten! "

" Of course not... first, I expect you to suffer. "

" You - grgkflk!"


" What's that? Oh, you can't really talk now can you.... Pity....well, if you have any voice left I'll let you scream at my little friend. How's that sound? "

" Grgkgrgkl! FRGKRGRL! "

" I'm glad we agree! But I'm touched by your concern over whether the Baron will uphold his part of the bargain. Oh, he will. We both understand the costs of having this entire deal fall through. It can be just so... inefficient. "

" MRGHRLRHGRL! MRRRGHL!! "

" I'll remember to pass that on, don't worry. I'm so glad we had this talk. Now... just stay there, and I will do the rest. This won't hurt a bit. "

" FRKHRRRKGLLL!!"

" Well, maybe I lied. "