Merry Winter's V-OHGODFIRE

( Also known as ' Why Warlocks Don't Babysit' ))

" Yes, Mr. Scrooge! Mr. Scrooge! "

" Hmmm.. well now, that sounds like a fancy story. Should I? "

" YES! MR. SCROOGE! MR. SCROOGE! "

" MR. SCROOGE! MR. SCROOGE! "

" Okay, okay, settle down! "

" YAAAAAYY MR. SCR- "

" SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING! Ah, I mean, please be quiet, I'm telling my story. "

" Y- "

" Okay, really, shut up. Now, once upon a time there was this man called Mr. Scrooge. Mr. Scrooge had - hm.. you know, this isn't working. I need some actors for the story.. "

" Me! Me! "

" Oh, that'll be great, except I need... toys, yes. So I can make them do toy stuff.  Who has something for Mr. Scrooge? "

" Me! Me! "

" Ah, a Deluxe Super-Flux Marcus Love Action Doll? How ... interesting. "

" ..Huh? "

" Nothing. ANYWAY. Mr. Scrooge was a clever man, and clever enough to be filthy rich. Now, with all this wealth, Mr. Scrooge was also extremely careful. For that purpose, he had a SECOND person to count his money. We'll call him... hm.. what was that name.."

" OH! OH!  BOB! "

" SILENCE! As I was saying, an accountant named Blob. I think this stickman should suffice....  Blob was  paid little but didn't whine about it. Do you know why? "

" Because he was a nice guy! "

" No, because he was an idiot who only knew how to second-count the money. Mr. Scrooge not only counted his money anyway, he earned it, managed it, and all the while had a far better cane and hat. He was also clever enough not to work for peanuts. "

" B-"

" Yes, Blob was an idiot overall. Blob kept wishing Mr. Scrooge ' Merry Stuff' like the old man had nothing better to do than to listen to his constant nattering. Mr. Scrooge, however, was guilty of abusing the term ' humbug'. That made no sense because there were very few humming insects in the winter. Most would be eaten by larger hungrier insects, who would be eaten by birds, who would then be eaten by pigs and then you! Imagine that, insect-stuffed pork! Mmm-mm! "

" ...Ewwwwww!! "

" Oh cool! "

" Anyway, Mr. Scrooge said ' humbug'. A lot. Especially if his accountant kept trying to distract him from his business. That, however, attracted the attention of some special spirits. Apparently spirits like humming insects. Go figure.

Now, where was I? Oh yes. Mr. Scrooge slept on the night before Winter's Veil - "

" Oooo my favorite part! "

" Yay! "

" - and woke up twice as rich. The end. "

" Wait, what about the spirits? "

" Yeah the spirits! "

" Hm. The spirits? Alright then. Well, as you might know, there's the Spirit of Winters' Veil past. This spirit is very likely... hm... what would look like a spirit - aha! That teddy bear! "

" Mister Honeybug! "

" Yes, well, Mr. Honeybug is now the Spirit of Winter's Veil past. So the spirit visited him and said, WooOOOooo, I'm here to haunt you and show you your past! So Scrooge said, 'humbug'. Then Spirit just showed him... well, his past. He saw all the people that he used to play with, to procreate with,  and - oh, here, let me show you. I think this model of the Marcus toy has this switch.. "

Let's get it on baby ALL NIGHT LONG!

" Huh? A baby? "

" OH! They play with babies! "

" They make babies, but you'll find out on your own.  Anyway, while the Spirit was saying this, he was also making himself fed with cookies. Like this! "

" Oh wow! How many cookies? "

" Lots. Pass the milk, child. "

" Okay! "

" Aph I was saying. He showed him all these events in the past. But Scrooge said, humbug.  After enough cookies, the fat spirit ran off and left Scrooge in the dark, literally. And then comes the Spirit of Winter's Veil present! "

" YAY! "

" YAAY! "

" But yes, Spirit of the Present. Why he did not arrive with presents, I don't know. Actually, perhaps we should make it a she. Yes, a she. Can I use your  Barbelly Fashion doll? "

" Okay! Take care of her hair! "

" Alright, so she goes down to him in a miniskirt and low-cut tank top. Scrooge is interested. However, she refuses to show him what he wishes. Instead, she shows him an overview of events happening as of now. The scene of interest is his accountant and idiot, Blob, holding a sick boy. We'll call him Deady. Annnddd we'll use this beanbag  to represent him. So, all the while she's showing him the lousy goods, she's also having cookies. And buns.  Yes, many buns. And plenty of milk. "

" Wow, she eats a lot! "

" Indeed so! Now.  After being taunted by said Spirit of the Present, Scrooge goes ' hum.. bug? ' Now he seems to be becoming upset. Ah, but this isn't the best part yet. No, there's still the Spirit of Winter's Veil future. "

" Oh! Gee, he's the scary one! "

" I'm scared! "

" Hm... we've run out of toys. Hm... I know! I'll be the Spirit! "

" Yaaay! "

" Okay, now all I have to do is wear this hood and SFLRGL' KTHUFLARGH SH'KULKRGH  CHOKE ON YOUR OWN BLOOD MORTALS FOR DEATH HAS COME UPON THEEFRLGH'KHADGHFKR. GKH'FLK , SHKEEL SHGKEEL! "
"" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

" EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK! "

" SH'*cough* Where was I? Oh, yes. Yes, that's precisely what the Spirit said. Now here we come to the part where he wakes up, scared speechless. Scrooge is terrified now! Also, he was hungry for cookies. Mmmhm, lots and lots of cookies! "

" A-aaaaah... hah.. c-cookies? W-w- g-gee, they sure love cookies! "

" Y-y-u-u-uh huh... "

" A good observation. But at any rate, our good friend Scrooge has decided to ... well, pay Blob a visit. So he goes to Blob's place. Blob, as usual, is poor, and his family are suffering for his stupidity. Little Deady is there, too, and Blob is playing with him."

" O-o-oh, and then? "

" Ah, then Scrooge says ' HUMBUG! ' loudly! But, then, he has a little secret.... he walks up to Blob and says -  "

" Oooooo, my favorite part! "

" ' Blob, my friend, I'd like to shake Deady's hand!' Why, Blob is taken aback, but how can he refuse? So Deady goes to shake Scrooge's hand and OH NO HE CATCHES ON FIRE! "

" AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! "

" W- OH NO!"

" AND OH NO, THAT IDIOT BLOB CATCHES ON FIRE TOO! "

"  OH NO! This - wait, that's not how the story goes - "

" Oh, but here comes the Spirits to save the day BUT THEY ALL CATCH ON FIRE! "

" EEEEEEEEEKKK! MISTER HONEYBUG! M- MISS BELLA! "

" AND SO DOES MISTER SCROOGE! "

" AAAAAAAAAHH! ACTION KNIGHT! PUT IT OUT MISTER GNOME! "

" Yes, I'd better put it out before OHSHIT THEY EXPLODED IN A BURST OF FLAME! HOW TRAGIC! "

" AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! "

" WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! "

" HOW TERRIBLE! Oh, by the way, I believe we're out of cookies. "

" WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! "

" Perhaps you have more in the fridge.."